Wednesday July 7th, 2010: Warm-up critiques

Okay, here are the critiques for Jazz & Shannon's stories! (:

"Okay, your challenge this time is to write a short story about a necklace. The necklace must have significance in the story.

The story must be one of these genres: Science fiction, Action/Adventure, or Thriller/Horror.
Your short story needs to be at least 15 good-sized paragraphs long. You will be judged on grammar, spelling, and the quality of the storyline. You will have until July 5th to complete this challenge."

***

"Count Your Blessings" by Shannon

 "All of these thoughts rushing through my head. Should I tell someone? Should I get rid of the necklace? Is this person out to kill? Why am I so scared?" 

How do you feel about the Storyline?

Dott: Pretty good! Just a little bit predictable, though.

ChattyChance: Wonderful, but I agree with Dott, I could predict some of the things that were going to happen.

Grammar?

Dott: It seemed as though she was bored the whole time she was telling the story. I didn't see one sentence that ended with an exclamation point, except for what the police officer said. Missed a few commas here and there, otherwise awesome.

ChattyChance: Once again, I have to agree with Dott. Not enough emotion was shown. And also, a few commas were missed here and there. Other than that, everything was perfect.

Spelling?

Dott: Perfect.

ChattyChance: Not a misspelled word in site. Great job!

***

Jazz's Story

"So here I sit, alone with the eldest daughter. Telling my story, trying to drown out her bloody screams. And yet no one has wanted me. So tell me one thing. Do you darling? Do you want me?"

How do you about the Storyline?

Dott:Really good! I would have never thought of putting the story in the necklace's point of view. Very creative. 

ChattyChance: Very creative. The the POV (Point of view) at which the story is told is great.

Grammar?

Dott: You forgot a comma in some places. You put a "was" where a "were" should have been a few times, too. You also put a "make" when I think you meant to put "may". You said "gave" instead of "given".

ChattyChance: Agreeing with Dott. (:

Spelling?

Dott: You spelled bitter and soul wrong. Other than that, perfect.

ChattyChance: A few mistakes here and there, but nothing too major.

Great job to Shannon & Jazz!!!